Random Overly Deep Thoughts

 Overly deep, random analyses/realizations. I can't stop overanalyzing this is why I was a psychology major. I think way too much. More doing, less thinking please.

I'z thinking hard.

-Having a corporate, heartless job that you are excessively overqualified for in a bad economy is called surviving and does not make you a bad person. For the record, although there are bad parts but there are some good parts too. I could go into it further but I don't think it's appropriate for the Internet.

-I was talking to my friend who is a lawyer about the mortgage-sized loan she is paying off from school, and I noticed how I nonchalantly waved off her debt as if it were nothing. It doesn't matter how much debt you have, what kind of job history you have, etc. what matters is where you are headed and whether or not you will keep trying and moving forward with your life and career.
So if you don't like where you are now, use this quote from this book I'm reading, "You can get glad in the same pants you got mad" (Suck Your Stomach In & Put Some Color On! by Shellie Rushing Tomlinson). Meaning you can change your situation or your attitude but you have to put your big girl panties on and try (that was me self-motivating).

-No matter what I go through or what I've been through my B will always be there for me through thick and thin. I'm very lucky and he is crazy (thankfully).

-I need to give myself more credit. I've been dealing with extreme anxiety over the GRE and PA school applications. Be forewarned: long drawn out curricula vita in paragraph form and me convincing myself that I can do this ahead- I'm more well-rounded than most applicants. I was a psychology major and health education minor (graduated summa cum laude had to toot my horn...hey I worked hard). I did a lot of interesting extracurriculars including taking calls at a crisis center and doing a lot of volunteer/paid work in the field of behaviorism (I wanted to be a behaviorist or a behavioral health psychologist for awhile.) Then, I worked in the real world at a non-profit organization that I really enjoyed but decided that I wanted to go into medicine/healthcare. Afterward, I went to a post-bac program for 2 years to take all my prereqs (read: Biology, Calculus, Microbiology, Chemistry, scary physics, even scarier organic chem I only took the lecture of orgo 1). I worked at various part-time jobs including at an office with 3 psychiatrists and a psychiatric nursing practitioner. That taught me a lot about private practice. I also volunteered at a hospital weekly in the surgery department (mostly cleaning and prepping rooms/materials and rolling patients around in wheelchairs to their cars etc). Sadly and very suddenly, B's dad was diagnosed with brain cancer so we moved back to my hometown. My priorities changed a lot and suddenly I realized I want more than a career-I want a wonderful family life.  I took my last prereq here, got my CNA (certified nursing assistant), and found a job totally unrelated to a my CNA after 6 months of job searching. Still searching for other jobs with no luck despite my qualifications and have been trying to gain the courage to apply to graduate school for months now.

-Don't even think about what could have been. Just don't go there. Even if your path is not the most clearcut (see above) you are where you are and you have to start from there.

-On another note, I've been thinking a lot more about marriage and becoming a mommy. I'm a very nurturing person and I cannot wait to become a mother...but I realized that I can wait and I need to wait. I'm not "behind" in life as I have seemed to convince myself as of late.  Well, let's just say I don't exactly have a lot of time to smell the roses as it were. I'm not exactly a spring chicken but I'm not exactly an old maid either. In other words, I think I will gain a lot from focusing on myself and my career for at least the next 3-4 years and allow myself to be as self-centered as I want to be. The time for that is now. God willing, I'll be able to make little babies after that. When you're a woman its kind of hard not to think about all those wasted eggs and whether or not you'll have the eggs when you want to use them...not like there is a shortage but you never know. I guess I just need to chill the heck out. Hormones leave me alone. It is not like we are in caveman times and are fighting to for a species to survive by getting knocked up constantly...shut up prehistoric, mammalian brain! Sigh.

-The working out is going well although taking a very short (day or so) break from my regularly scheduled program because I am a human not a robot despite corporate culture and the so-called definition of a work/life balance...what is that anyways?

-Last but not least, the gym is a good way to express your anger/frustration. So is writing in vague/stream-of-consciousness terms.

Sorry that was so random but I think that sums it up.

Taste with your Eyeballs

B and I made reservations on the evening of the soft opening at Dragonfly in Orlando. The atmosphere is even nicer than the Gainesville location and the food is just as good (meaning: to DIE for)!


I bought B this as a belated birthday gift.

Cannon Powershot S90

 He does amazing things with it.

 

Month 1: A Long Way to Go

The next week after our vacation of gluttony and alcohol drinking, I decided to start to get in shape and lose weight for real this time. For the last month I have worked out 6 days a week and I've been trying to eat less calories. Actually, this week I only did 4 days because I was so busy....felt super guilty about that but I'm going to change my workout routine this next month so it was a good break. My other rule is no alcohol AT ALL until the first game day of the University of Florida football season. Rough, huh? So far, I've lost about 9-10 pounds. However, I've learned that these first few months are going to be the hardest.

Even though I feel healthier and I've noticed a change in my body, no one else does. I still have 35 more pounds to go until I get to my goal weight. It's going to take at least until the end of November and if not longer.  I don't get complements. No one stops to say, "Wow, you look great. You look like you've lost some weight!" I keep telling myself that I have to be patient and that it will pay off in the end, but it's incredibly hard without reinforcement from others. It's not that I'm doing this for other people but any kind of encouragement I can get helps.  However, I've noticed the thought that keeps me the most motivated is the idea of revamping my whole wardrobe and getting rid of all my fat clothes. Kind of vain, huh? The thought of fitting in my size 8 jeans again is so exciting! I also can't wait to look good in shorts again. Or to try on clothes at a store and not get depressed.

I noticed that after awhile I started to get bored with my work-out routine. Mostly, I did the elliptical and sometimes stairs or the treadmill for at least 30 minutes and then for 10-15 minutes afterward I focused on my "problem areas" (arms, tummy, thighs). This month I decided that I need a goal other then weight loss to motivate me. So I am going to do an "advanced beginner" 5k prep routine. Every week I will increase my distance by .5 miles but this is how I am starting:

Monday-1.5 mile run
Tuesday-Cross Train (40-45 minute and weights)
Wednesday-1.5 miles race pace (this will be outside and not in the gym)
Thursday-rest day
Friday-30 minute easy
Saturday-rest day
Sunday-2 mile run (this is my distance day) and maybe weights afterward

I haven't actually signed up for a 5k yet because I want to make sure I have time for applications and the GRE on top of working out and going to work for 40 hours a week (ugh..). I will have to revisit that question again at the end of my second month of losing weight. So it's off to a good but anticlimactic start. If anyone else out there would like to exchange thoughts of encouragement I would love the opportunity to be your coach. I could email you inspirational quotes and check in on your progress and you could do the same for me. Us "curvy" girls need to stick together. Oh, the joys of being a woman.  I say that because my boyfriend is super skinny and does not take care of himself. I did however, convince him to get a gym membership. Progress. That's what its all about. Motivational Song of the Month

One day at a time.

Low Calorie Christy Bucks Frapp

After my workout today, I felt like rewarding myself. So I made homemade frappuccinos.  It's low calorie and delicious. Thanks Starbucks, but I think I'll hold onto my $5.

Homemade Frappuccino

-1/2 cup skim milk
-Strong brew of Starbucks Pike's Peak coffee (or whatever kind of coffee resides in your cupboard)
-Ice
-2-3 equal packets
-Lite cool whip (just a little on top)
-Hershey's syrup or chocolate shavings (I used 1 hershey's bliss dark chocolate but it's optional)

Blend milk, coffee, ice, and equal together in a blender. Add toppings as desired.

Disclaimer: It doesn't turn out exactly like a Starbucks frapp. Mine was super frothy and I think I didn't let my coffee cool enough before I blended it. I also had to add lots of ice to get it to the right consistency. It fit the bill though. Definitely took care of my chocolate/sugar/dessert craving.

Total calorie count with 1 hersheys bliss dark chocolate, 2 tablespoons lite cool whip, and 2 tablespoons hersheys syrup: 216 calories

Sometimes I'm just good...especially when it involves food/cooking baking. Sticking to my diet/exercising though and that is what's important to me right now.

Update/Vacation

I'm way overdue for an update. I hope you can find it in your one (or maybe 2) hearts to forgive me! At the end of June, I went on a week long vacation with B and my mom's family. I think the last time I went on a vacation was when I was a sophomore in college..I went to Sanibel with B's parents summer 2004.....6 years ago! This summer we went to Blue Ridge, Georgia and stayed in gorgeous cabin in the mountains. It was called, "Bearadise Lodge". This cabin was new and included three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a gameroom, a hot tub, an awesome porch with rocking chairs with a view, and a well-stocked kitchen. The owners of this cabin did not skimp, people! Check it out.

On top of the lovely accommodations and peaceful view, we did a lot of fun activities. We went gemming for the first time, explored a waterfall, river, and dam, and we went whitewater rafting. Let me tell you..whitewater rafting is so amazingly fun. It was very hot in Blue Ridge this June so I did not mind the cold, 50 degree water getting all over me.I was very proud that I didn't fall out of the raft but I did take a swim anyways (myself and this other young girl were the only ones that didn't fall out when we hit a level 4 rapid).  I cannot wait to go rafting again.

This vacation was exactly what I needed. We ate too much food, drank too much alcohol, and spent a lot of time on the porch with a cup of coffee or a beer. I'm so glad I made this vacation a priority and I want to continue to do so even when I go back to graduate school and we're on a tight budget. Since I've been back, I've been working out 6 days a week and watching my intake. I feel great. Working out helps my attitude makes it a lot easier to deal with work during the day.

In other news, I am desperately trying to convince myself to continue to work on my graduate school applications. I'm completely scared, freaked out, nervous etc. that I can't even get myself to work on them. I'm so afraid of not getting in. Of course, I'll never know if I don't try. I'm praying for faith in myself, patience, and motivation.

Even though times have been somewhat tough lately I am a lucky, lucky girl. I try to remind myself of that everyday.

My Foodie Favorites

I'm back on the bandwagon. I'm livestronging and exercising again. Despite the fact that I'm watching my calories, a blog post that I read recently made me super nostalgic about all of the wonderful places I've dined while I lived all around Florida. I lived in Gainesville while I was in college, in Jacksonville for a post-bac program, and I'm back in Orlando now. These are the places where I discovered some of the best food ever. EVER!

In Gainesville, I discovered my utmost favorite sushi restaurant (and this is saying A LOT because I'm sort of a sushi snob). It's called Dragonfly Sushi and Sake Company. I'm so excited because they are building one now in Orlando. See you at the grand opening! Everything there is so fresh and absolutely to die for, but here are my some of my favorite rolls:

Gator roll-tuna,salmon, cream cheese, avocado and roe (a classic)
Lava roll- smoked  eel, smoked salmon, crab,  roe, slices and avocado topped with oven baked scallop delight and el sauce
Krispy crunch-tuna, krab, avocado, cream cheese, and roe fried with panko bread crumbs

With a side of spicy sauce and a cocktail please!

On my 22th birthday B brought me there and we probably got at least 5 different rolls. Here are some examples of the food:

 Here I am at my birthday dinner enjoying my margarita!

 Every time I eat there I die and go to heaven TWICE. Cannot wait for the one in Otown to open.

Oh, but there's more...

In Jacksonville, I discovered a quaint, little shop near by my apartment that served pizza and Italian dishes. It was called Rosina's Pizza. This had the most fabulous combo sub I've ever had. They had to have made the bread fresh daily. The calzones were also huge and so delicious. Rosina's pizzas weren't my favorite but I'll get to pizza later. No pictures sorry! This place is tiny.


While in Jax, I also found my favorite gourmet Mexican restaurant, Cantina Laredo. They make fresh gaucamole at your table and my favorite dish is the carne asada. They also have an amazing gourmet breakfast on Sundays.

My friend Jennifer and I ate the Sunday Brunch there just before we went wedding dress shopping for her. Notice the complementary mimosas. Yum!

The best pizza I've ever had is by my B's parents' house waaaaay outside of Orlando on the edge of nowhere.  Everyone that works there is straight out of Italy. I can't really describe the taste of the pizza other than just well...perfect. It's something you to taste for yourself. It's called Calabria's Pizza.

I've decided that I need to take more pictures of the awesome food that I eat at restaurants and awesome dishes that I cook. Who wouldn't want to photograph such joyous memories? I've left out some places but didn't want this post to be 5,000 pages long. I have to note that Jacksonville also has the best wings I've ever had. Obviously, as you can see, I enjoy my food. I like it a little too much based on the size of my waist. Food is spiritual to me. As long as I keep exercising and watching my calories I can occasionally eat at these taste-bud temples of gloriousness.

Sigh.

Weekend Weigh-In : Ups and Downs

My fitness guru friend will be so happy to hear that I did in fact work-out at the gym 4 times this week! I worked out on the precor and weights on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I couldn't make it happen on Tuesday and Thursday because I work 12 hour shifts those days but at least I made it happen! I haven't gone to the gym today because I woke up with an acidic stomach..not fun, not fun but I will have to make time for it at least 4 times this next week.
On the other hand, my calorie intake hasn't been perfect. On 3 days this week I ate 100-300 calories over my limit. On 3 days this week I ate under my calorie limit. Thus the scale has been a little funky. It appears that I've lost about 2.2 pounds this week. This is a lot less than the first week but this is what I'm actually supposed to be losing to lose weight healthily.
I'm going to try and be more consistent this week. I'm also trying to be realistic and not get down on myself for every little thing. It's a slow process but very rewarding. I fit into this one pair of jeans that I couldn't pull up over my bootie 2 weeks ago. Just have to keep on steadily with school, work, and my goals.