I’ve had some time to allow the uncertainty of my future to sink in.
I could be moved from the alternate list and called to go to Fort Myers or Jacksonville as late as the end of May. B still desperately wants to stay in Orlando and brought up the idea of me moving by myself and just coming back over the weekends until the program is over. We will revisit that idea if we have to (though I’m not too fond of it at this point). I know, however, that if I were moved from the alternate list, I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant. Although it will be an incredibly difficult 2 years, it would lead to fulfillment and happiness in my career and stability for my family for 10, 20, or 30 plus years. I’ve already made many sacrifices including 2 years in post-bac, weeks of my life spent studying for the GRE, filling out applications, shadowing PAs, working in healthcare, stressing over whether I’ll get in, so what’s 2 more years if it means I get to do what I want to do with my life professionally.
So, I did all the FAFSA things I need to do just in case that happens….which I have no idea if it will.
However, I also applied to the local community college so that I can take nutrition this summer for plan B. There are many more steps to plan B but those will occur over the next few months. At least I set the plan into motion.
Work is starting to pick up and that is a very good distraction for me. I hate not being in control of my future but this is something that I just have to let go. Whatever happens will be what is meant to happen and no matter what happens I won’t give up on my dreams. That is the one thing I can count on. Rather, the one person…myself.
So, I’ve been taking lots of deep breathes lately…into paper bags. I promise I will be back to my fun, happy self soon. Hopefully, that won’t require any Xanax.